Oh, my GOD what a brilliant song.
Longtime lurker . . . But I was impelled to write a Hoarder’s song I hoped you folk (I love this board) might enjoy. It’s to be sung (with a broad Cockney accent) to the tune of the old music-hall song “Don’t Have Any More, Mrs. Moore” (you can follow along, bouncing-ball fashion, from this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0Oi8Z210Z4 . Hope you like! I hum it while dusting. And scrubbing. And vacuuming.
Mrs. Moore, who lives next door,
She never, ever cleans,
She’s what you call a Hoarder—
She’s got Collyer Brother genes.
I don’t know her idea of a welcoming decor,
I said to her today as she was squeezing through her door:“Don’t hoard any more, Mrs. Moore,
Mrs. Moore, please don’t hoard any more!
The more you hoard the more you’ll want, they say,
And enough is as good as a feast any day!
If hoard any more, Mrs. Moore,
You’ll have to take the house next door!
You love your pussy-cat,
But it’s all mummified and flat.
Don’t hoard any more, Mrs. Moore!”Dr. Tonya Hoarding came and started in to gag—
The toilet’s on the fritz, so she was crappin’ in a bag.
A possum leaped out of a pile of garbage with a spring,
Dr. Tonya and the possum both began to sing:“Don’t hoard any more Mrs. Moore,
Mrs. Moore, please don’t hoard any more!
The more you hoard the more you’ll want, they say,
And enough is as good as a feast any day!
If hoard any more, Mrs. Moore,
You’ll go crashin’ through the parlor floor—
All that glitters isn’t gold,
It’s bacteria and mold.
Don’t hoard any more, Mrs. Moore!”1-800-Got Junk? trucks pulled up into the drive.
Organizer Matt looked in and said, “Well, sakes alive!
I’ve seen sail cats and bags of poo inside a hoarder’s house—
But here’s a first, I just pulled out a mummified sail spouse!–Don’t hoard any more Mrs. Moore,
Mrs. Moore, please don’t hoard any more!
The more you hoard the more you’ll want, they say,
And enough is as good as a feast any day!
If hoard any more, Mrs. Moore,
I might lose my esprit de corps!
You’re too nuts for TLC,
So just right for A&E—
Don’t hoard any more, Mrs. Moore!”“Don’t hoard any more Mrs. Moore,
Mrs. Moore, please don’t hoard any more!
The more you hoard the more you’ll want, they say,
And enough is as good as a feast any day!
If hoard any more, Mrs. Moore,
You could open up a Goodwill store!
You’ve got clothes like a bazaar,
But you still can’t find a bra—!
Don’t hoard any more, Mrs. Moore!”