I voted for Scott Lee Cohen, because I am a total idiot. And even though I hang out with political junkies online in Second Life, and constantly read newsfeeds, I failed to educate myself about local political races, and didn’t read the Chicago Tribune’s excellent election special section (because that bit wasn’t in my news feed, and I don’t read the print version anymore).
I just left it too late, and on election day, I heard a radio ad (the only commercial station I listen to is WXRT) that made it sound like Cohen was a fresh newcomer with a “get things done for people” outlook. I didn’t really listen, just half-heard his name repeated several times, with happy people talking happily about how Scott Lee Cohen did something for them and made them even happier.
That evening, I ran late from work, ran late from the health club, and was literally the last person in the door at my polling place before they locked it at 7p for the polls to close. I gave up on looking up the ratings at VoteForJudges.com on my iPhone and just… God, it was like that classic nightmare: the multiple choice test in high school that you forgot to study for, and you look down and realize you’re still in your pajamas (or you’re butt-nekkid).
So in Illinois, they have this weird system (among many other weird systems) where you vote for the lieutenant governor separately from the Governor, which is why we got a crusty old reformer like Quinn paired with (impeached, indicted) ex-Gov. Hairball. And I had no idea who any of the people on that ballot were. Of course, this being Illinois, the Democratic primary generally determines the winner of the general election, although there are some viable candidates the inept Illinois Republicans manage to field in spite of their own haplessness. Downstate voters tend to be more conservative so they can and have elected some Republicans to statewide office, and Quinn still has some work to do against his eventual Republican opponent (whoever that turns out to be).
Which is when I remembered the happy people on the radio talking about what a great guy Scott Lee Cohen was. As I said, I’m a complete idiot. People like me are why this country’s political system is completely broken and useless; well-meaning but willfully uninformed moderates vote for any guy that has enough money to sound nice in a sound bite or print pretty yard signs, and the fringe candidates succeed more than they should because they get nuts to stand on the side of the road waving comically misspelled posters while wearing Lipton’s Tea packets on their hats.
All it takes to get elected in this country, apparently, is a lot of money for ads that mention your name a lot and mention your opponent only by way of referring to his or her failings as a human being.
Our electoral process has become a Pavlovian joke that can be overturned by a bunch of kritarchs-for-life in long black robes. Our electoral process has become a Facebookian popularity contest that can be fixed by a few party insiders behind closed doors. Our electoral process is one where a complete ditz is considered a viable candidate for President just because she’s a particular kind of conservative Christian (and one whose TelePalmter has its own Facebook fan page).
We’re a nation of idiots, apparently, because we vote for idiots. And we like them that way, because ultimately they’ll turn out to be funny political jokes on “The Colbert Repor’ ” and “Jon Stewart.”
Even those guys couldn’t make this funny shit up, however:
[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/RaLnIlm55EU" width="425" height="344" wmode="transparent" /]
Yes, Cohen’s resignation press conference was held at some Chicago bar or tap or family-friendly tavern, because his whole family was there, not excepting his distraught pre-teenage son, who is blubbing away on his dad’s shoulder in a most distressing display of red-faced blubbing (you can also hear a baby crying in the background, it’s that kind of restaurant).
The article that originally prompted me to comment on my own idiocy as a low-information voter was this one:
Scott Lee Cohen Withdraws As Dem LG Nominee In Illinois – Political Junkie Blog : NPR.
Cohen was a politically unknown pawnbroker who pumped $2 million of his own money into the race and won an upset victory on Feb. 2 against a more experienced primary field. Shortly after his victory, allegations came out that he had battered his ex-girlfriend, a prostitute (“I thought she was a massage therapist,” an excuse that may become political lore), and that while he was spending all that money, his ex-wife was suing him by $54,000 in back-due child support.
Yes, I shirked my duty to inform myself on the politics of the day. And I’m not the only one – from WBEZ’s later blog post, “”Help me out: what should today’s top story be? (please don’t say snow),” I’m not the only one completely uninterested in who Gov. Quinn’s Republican opponent will turn out to be (their primary is still pretty much a 3-way dead heat).
