Okay, it’s been that kind of week. They screw with things at work, they screw with things on my show. So here it is Wednesday at 7pm, time to watch Amazing Race in its new! Amazing! Timeslot! and see if I can keep up “live,” or if I need a bevvy assist. Tonight’s beverage of choice: Sea Dog Special Brew Blueberry Wheat Beer.
Don’t laugh, it’s quite tasty and refreshing, and the doggy on the label is wearing the cutest li’l sou’wester hat.
Let us begin where the last episode ended – Segesta, Sicily. The pit stop was a beautifully preserved old Greek temple (Sicily was settled by the Greeks, apparently. It’s a beautiful setting.
The episode is titled “Sleep Deprivation Is Really Starting To Irritate Me.” Who said this? I’m going to guess Lori for now, because it seems like a pretty nerdy thing to say. Here we go.
It starts with a total recap of the season so far. Must be hoping to catch new viewers on the new night and time. Credits roll.
It’s funny how the monkey looks completely unfazed by the fact that he follows Dani and Danielle. Should he not be sad the Pinks are gone?
BJ: 229am
Drive to Catalina – no CATANIA, doofus! 135 miles. They stop to pet a friendly pooch and then someone comments “all right, let’s find this bufflejam.” What? Has Tyler been taking Lake Linguistics? They p
EJ 411am. Whoa! almost 2 hours! They totally mispronounce every Italian word in their clue. They’re happily clueless. They think they’ve got a good map.
JM: 5am. Monica murders all those words. Joseph is happy with Monica’s performance thus far. This does not bode well, based on the previews we saw. They immediately stop for directions, as they have NO MAP and ask some guy to give them his.
Frankenberry: 518am. Barry is revealed as a Vietnam vet. Beware the Ian Edit. They navigate with a book.
BJ get to the town, and get a driving Fern to lead them. They murder the name of the Orariio di Apertera. They leave a fake “Everybody please sign in” and make random pizza jokes before wandering off.
LM 606am. They think they’re shorted the cash, but find the last few bucks. That’s a sign of a mistake to come. Scary music plays over their exit from the area and they’re clearly headed
DL 625am depart with goofy happy music playing. They weren’t happy but they’ll keep on trucking. They navigate themselves to the Autostrada.
RY 634am murder the Italians again. It’s fully light by the time they depart the temple. She really loves Ray. They get directions from some guy and still look clueless.
EJ arrives at the cluebox. They sign the “signup sheet.” BJ and Tyler snicker in their car but the ruse is discovered. But for a second, they were taken in. Official, dudes.
JM get a driving Fern to lead them.
FB see a fabulous statue ahead without a head. Then Barry gets them stuck in a tiny street.
Open time at the Orario. EJ beats BJ to the cluebox. Hah!
Head Count! They must count the heads on the fence posts at the ampy-the ater. Then check in with the groundskeeper.
EJ and BJ both get the correct number, 41. They get the clue for the Detour:
Big Fish, or Little Fish.
Either lug one big fish to a vendor, or sell a bunch of little fish. Brawn vs…. Sales Guy.
FB frustrated at being lost in small streets in rush hour – he says they’re totally screwed and it’s a disaster. Total disaster. That’s Frankenbarry for you.
Commercial. Something I didn’t need to see: Eric or Jeremy is wearing blue underwear.
FB whine.
LM is in town, and freaking out in traffic.
DL also stuck in traffic
RY on the highway
JM get to the Teatro and pull the clue – currently in 3rd place. They start counting heads
BJ and Tyler arrive at the fishmonger’s stand right after EJ to pick up their sword fish. Whoa! The old dude has one of those brassy, metallic voices, just like the guys at Pike Place Fish Market!
They run off with big dead fish on their backs. We learn that large dead fish feel either like big wet cats, or like ice packs after a while.
JM decide they’ve got 41 heads. They get their clue. Whee! Monica has to carry a 30 pound fish and she doesn’t know if she can do it.
Market. BJ and EJ are looking for the dude. They all talk in stupid accents whenthey arrive and get their clues.
Drive to Siracusa, find the Ponte Umbertino. Much yelling of Eh, paisano!
Monica and Joe meet them and get a big fishy hug.
FB spot a tiny alley and actually sneak up on the cluebox from behind. 4th place. Funky “we’re clueless” music plays as they figure out what they’re supposed to do with the clue. On the fenceposts. On the fenceposts.
EJBJ team up to follow each other. They spot FB counting heads. They get on the Siracusa road. Sir-a-cuuuusaaa.
FB get a count of 41. They eventually find the groundskeeper and decide to have fun selling little fish.
JM. Monica is struggling wiht her fish. At first, it’s all “woo-hoo.”
LM still freaking out in traffic. DL find a clear spot but they’re arguing about whether to stop and ask or park and wander.
RY stuck in traffic. They decide to park… but the clue says where to park their cars? They start asking for the Teatro Romano. On foot. Really agressively.
FB arrive at the Mercato Storico. They start yelling “Pesce! Pesce fresco!”
JM – Monica is upset at fish guts and is starting to whine. They deliver to the wrong fishmonger. Heh! Monica is starting to lose it.
FB start to sell fishies.
Monica starts screaming for Joseph to show some guy the clue with the fishmonger’s name. She can’t carry it. He’s yelling “WHAT??” It’s the worst thing she’s ever done, and she can’t carry it. Jeez! She’s AT the location! She’s already carried it most of the way, she just needs to find the right stall. They spotted Fran and Barry selling fish earlier – do they not know or guess that they’d be near the right fishmonger?
Commercial. A cute puppy sings “There ain’t no bugs on me.” This is American culture at its finest.
Monica is crying and screaming but she’s attempting to carry the fish. She threatens to stab bystanders with the fish. But they find the right guy. Clue. Find the whatever, let’s go. She’s crying and filthy. Joseph swears he already asked “that one sonovabitch” if he was the guy. They’re both on the ragged edge of nothing, and we haven’t hit the roadblock yet.
FB seem to be selling fish effectively now. Barry’s back hair glistens in the morning light. They get their clue and say they had fun. They end smiling big smiles and laughing.
LM finally reach the parking area for the ampitheater. FB mutter that they won’t give Lake a pointer to the cluebox as they drive away. They go to two random guys who aren’t the groundskeeper and are told “Yes. 41.” Gee the Italians are helpful. They finally find the One True Groundskeeper and get the fish clue. Surprisingly, Michelle agrees to carry Big Fish. Go figure.
FB spot the Siracusa highway road. They got a break.
JM stuck in traffic. Joseph amuses himself by honking at other drivers. Monica pouts, beautifully but fishily.
Michelle uses Mommy Logic to insist that she can carry the fish. They easily find “Yagino” and clue up. They made that look pretty easy.
DL, trailing badly on the street. They find a Fern to show them on his scooter. They love each other.
RY finally find the Teatro. LM trying to find their way out of the parking lot. Michelle knows the way. She knew all along. Lake finally agrees that she had it right.
RY count slowly and find the groundskeeper.
DL finally arrive in last place. They walk around counting heads.
RY pick up a Big Fish. Yolanda’s not crazy about it but she’s gamely carrying it. I can’t believe more people didn’t go for “Little Fish.”
DL get a 41 count. Gee, that was hard. They decide to carry Big Fish. The fish drips and drips and drips and the tail goes flap, flap, flap over her shoulder as they march away toward the Mercato Storico (that means “Historic Market,” by the way). They may or may not know that they’re in last place.
EJ arrive at Siracusa. Roadblock:
Kayak Polo. Join a pro team and play in a game – score one goal with your paddle into a big net. Awesome! Jeremy crashes into his new teammates.
RY deliver the fish, but before leaving town they get directions for the Siracusa road.
DL love each other and their fish tailes flap. They clue up and buy a map.
Eric calls Jeremy a pansy, but then he scores a goal. Very suspect. Head to the Pit Stop, Fonte Aretusa.
BJ takes the Roadblock. He more or less easily maneuvers to make the goal.
FB arrive at the Roadblock, so do JM. Barry and Joseph do it. But Barry doesn’t know how to paddle.
Awesome, the town band is there to welcome them!
EJ are first. They are welcomed by the saxophonist. And Phil. They win a fricken cruise! Sucks to BJ and Tyler’s cameras!
BJ arrive second.
Joseph scores a goal and clues up. Barry finally lines up and scores. On foot to the Pit Stop, they all say. I wonder if this will be that thing we all love, “foreshadowing?”
Michelle takes the roadblock. Lake has taken them all up to now. She gets mad and yells “no! no! no! no!” She can’t throw it and Lake screams from the sidelines like a parent whose head is about to explode. The locals look on in some bemusement.
After the commercial break, she succeeds. Lake screams enthusiasm for going on foot. Foot! YES!
JM arrive third. So her meltdown was a fakeout on the previews.
FB arrive fourth. They’re all smiles.
RY are asking the way to Ponte Umbertino. So are Dave and Lori.
Lake and Michelle arrive at the bandstand.. They kiss, ickily. They arrive fifth.
Ray takes the roadblock. He capsizes and appears not to be able to paddle the kayak. But his athleticism does him good – he one-hands it from way, way back in the pack.
DL arrive last at the kayak. Dave takes it. His first shot: miss. Second shot scores. They’re not moving that fast to the Pit Stop.
RY approach under a raincloud. DL look confused. It’s Ray and Yolanda, arriving sixth.
DL approach to sad music and the band plays on. Phil greets them: they’re the last team to arrive and they’ve been eliminated. And well deserved, because they struggled in the back of the pack too much. I liked them a lot and thought they were funny people.
Nerds rule, says Dave. They do, indeed, rule.
So next week, I wonder if it’ll be a non-elim? I wonder if the “each partner must do at least X roadblocks” rule will finally surface? I wondered about it when Lake seemed to want Michelle to do the Roadblock.
Next week- we’re off to Greece. Greek athletics! Wrestling! Locals in period dress laughing their asses off! And Fran is scared to bunjy in the pouring rain! Frankly, I’d be scared, too. Why the hell did they come on this thing if she’s scared to bunjy and it’s her greatest fear? Do they not watch this show??
Well, it’s about time to make some dinner, but before we do, I just have to say that that wasn’t that exciting an episode. There wasn’t that much movement in the ranks, and the top four are the same four teams as last week and the week before, although EJ traded back up into first place. Dang, it’s looking a little too predictable – Eric/Jeremy, BJ/Tyler, Joseph/Monica, Fran/Barry for the final four. Although it appears that Monica doesn’t have the guts to tough it out (other than the ones the fish dribbled on her shirt), so maybe Ray/Yolanda or Lake/Michelle still have a chance.
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