We’re going to blog along from home again, and then add some amusing links. I’ll start off by saying, once again, that my dislike for the Weavers burns with the heat of a million little Sternos. Not suns, because suns are grand and big and all-encompassing, and Sternos are little and dinky and they burn with a kind of “meh” flame.

Anyway, we start out in this order:

Linzerfarts
Eeyore and the Bransens
Christine Gabbleski and the Gadzookski Sisters
Evil Weavers, Weevils, Florida, Team Help Me Jebus, Yield Us, etc.

Before we get started, I’ll predice ANOTHER non-elimination, because there’s 2 more weeks until the finale. And I think the Bransens will pull in last, because Daddy Eeyore does not like to go too fast. Ever.

Open with beauty shots of Salt Lake, with no mention of the Mormons, which is pretty odd, actually. And it’s pronounced “U-taw,” Phil.

Linzes depart at 1246am Drive to Park City High. Why? we were just there last week! Back up Parley’s Canyon. Uh, oh, Megan is a little bit sick. She looks like shit. Cramps, apparently. “I love being a female in this group,” she says.

Bransens 123am. $87 bucks for the leg. Bransens say “meh.”

Gabbles: 130am.

Christine complains about getting dissed by her sisters. One of them yelled at her in the car.

They are to inflate a hot air balloon and ride. Fun! No collisions! Shoot, they start at 6am so that’ll be a bunch point.

Linzes arrive first and sack out in their trailer.

Bransens arrive next and take a number (which the Linzes finally remembered to do this week, they missed their chance last week). They sack out in their trailer.

Gabbles arrive next. They go night night. Why does this look so much like the least fun slumber party ever? It looks like everyone is already in pajamas. And are they carrying pillows? I’m so confused.

Ugh. The disgusting holier than thou Weavers depart at 502am. Hey, they really screwed themselves over last week! They were more than 4 hours behind the leaders. This also means they don’t get a few hours’ worth of shut-eye because they’ll arrive right about the time the shuttles start to take off for the balloon area.

They complain and say no one ever treated them like this. Bitch, bitch, bitch. They get help from a random person. Hey, they have no cash – have they not wanted to beg yet?

Weevils arrive and celebrate that their yield didn’t keep them from catching up. They honk repeatedly when arriving at the sleepy point. This, of course, is obnoxious at that hour, which is about 6am based on the amount of light.

Dammit, they celebrate and freak out and yell at the other teams. They are called “psycho” by someone. They do their psycho freakout dance in the parking lot. Every one else backs away slowly.

Finally, the first shuttle van departs at 6am. The rest will depart in 15 minute increments.

Balloons inflate. Bransens and Gabbles arrive and work together.
Weavers arrive at 630am, plotting against the Gabbles again. What is their obsession with bottled blonds and breast implants??? Yeah, and the stripes on Skunky Weaver don’t have a little of Miss Clairol’s DNA, either.

Linzes take off. A Bransen daughter likes one of them, whose nickname is Uncle Bone, apparently. I think his name is Tommy. See? This whole season is like a bunch of nameless people for me still.

The others lift off. They float around. Here comes the collision we saw in previews. They bounced and it’s all okay. A Gabbleski thinks she’s now been cured of a fear of heights. Meanwhile, they float like bubbles, very gently.

Linzes leave first. And it’s BACK to Heber City to the Heber Creeper! This is described as “the Hayber Valley Railway.” What is this obsession with Heber City.

Linzes note it’s “back to 40.” Yes, we’re aware that we’re retracing our steps too.

Hey! One of the Bransens is wearing a Hoffman baseball shirt. Hmm.

Heh, the Weaverrrrrs make a very, very bad dragging crashing landing down a steep hill. There is much screaming, and there’s a road with traffic right behind them. This makes me laugh very, very much. Several balloon guys in white shirts are shown running around and adding their weight to the basket. I think an evil wind blew the evil Weavers far off course. It appears that God is a Wizard of Oz fan, because that’s what happened to the original wizard. Heh.

It makes me happy that all the nice teams landed in relatively easy terrain. And apparently there was no change in race standings, either.

After the commercial, there’s more screaming and laughing and they drive back to “Herbert Valley Railroad.” Jeebus, Linda’s never going to get that name right, is she?

Linzes arrive at the Creeper station. Detour: Spike or Coal

Linzes opt for the Strength task. Bransens arrive next and define “precision.” They decide to do the spike/rail aligning task, too. Megan dances, because cramps prevent her from slinging sledgehammers and pounding spikes and hauling rails.

Gabbles scream. They also opt to do the rail/spike thing.

Bransens seem to be doing okay. Linzes wail on the bolts. Gabbles gabble and yell at Chrissie to get out of the way. They start squabbling.

Weavers finally arrive. First, they have to pray. Then they decide to do the coal tender filling task, which is probably a smart move.

Injury! A Bransen hits another Bransen. There is singing of “I’ve been working on the railroad.” Wally Eeyore finally has a chance to shine, because he can pound spikes and the daughters can’t.

Weavers work hard on the coal. I hope they’re getting dirty.

Linzes nearly finished – the inspector tells them to keep going.

Weavers work together well on the coal task, dammit.

Linzes finish first. They shout encouragement to the others as they get their clue.

Now! It’s 148 miles to the Bonneville Salt Flats to the only existing “tree.” Oh, I hope they jump in a race car there and have to break the sound barrier. Linzes kid around in the car. Megan is disgusted.

Heh, the Weavers thought they saw the bleak, stark parts of Utah, wait til they see this.

Bransens finish second, as they arrived second. Wally looks like Dead man, riding.

Weavers are trying to beat the Gabbleskis. For some reason they hate the Gabbles.

Damn, the Weavers finish third, after arriving fourth. They celebrate, but they’re filthy.

Gabbleskis keep working and arguing and tightening and pounding.

Chris cries again in the car. I don’t know quite what it is with her, but she seems to be set off when the others aren’t as excited and into the process of things than she is. And also, they’re tired. The others are much more… reserved but by now all of them have snarked at each other. Chris is just the easy target, I guess.

Anyway, they’re all headed for a big funny looking tree that seems to say “Cheesy entertainments and neon ahead in Wendover, Nevada! Leave Utah behind as fast as you can!” Once there, it will be some sort of Roadblock, and then there’s a Pit Stop somewhere, but where?

Okay, we’re back. Linzes note the tree has big balls. Oh, my GOD they’re going to Bear Lake! Been there as a child! And that’s all the way back to I-15 and up north toward Idaho.

Are they fucking KIDDING me with this? Bear Lake? Can we get the hell out of Utah? The only place they haven’t been is Dugway Proving Grounds to pick up a little PCP contaminated dirt.

They’re going to Rendezvous Beach, so I bet we get to see some mountain men.

Bransens get the clue.

Weavers arrive next and the Bransens are not happy to see them.

Weavers are not happy to be going back into Utah. Just when they thought they were escaping.

Gabbleskis find the clue, finally and now they’ve got a 400 mile drive.

They’re camping for the night with an 830am best possible departure time.

Bransens arrive first?? Oh, wait, the map shown on screen shows a totally different Bear Lake south of Provo? Huh? But this map of Bear Lake Rendezvous State Park clearly shows that it’s the one I visited with Mom and Pop when I was about… eight or nine. We stayed at Blue Water Resort, which shocks me by still existing

Weavers arrive SECOND. BARF. Now they decide to beg for money and hug people and get a map. Dammit!!!!

Gabbleskis arrive third.

Whoa! Linz’s had a production error and their battery got drained too. Dammit!!! Dammit!!!.

They have all arrived at Bear Lake Rendezvous Beach State Park.

NOW they travel 137 miles to Wyoming, to a ranch near the head of Green River.

Bransens depart first. Eeyore looks like he’s half asleep.

Weavers, whispering for once, pray to Jeebus as they drive away.

Gabbleskis depart and squabble with Christine.

Linzes are determined to get in front of people. They are a testosterone filled energetic boys. And Meghan. She’s really tired of them, too.

Bransens arrive at the ranch. Horses! yay!

Who’s ready to cowboy up! 2 members get to do it and herd cows. Moo!

Bransen girls pick a good-looking cowboy to help them.

Weavers arrive next, DAMMIT.

It’s apparently Lauren and Beth Bransen doing the herding.

Bransens complete their task and get the clue.

NOW: Travel north to Old Faithful. BEEN THERE, but in the wintertime, BITCH!

Weavers decide that Rebecca and Rachel will cowboy up. Damn, they’re going fast and the girls all ride and have horses.

Gabbleskis arrive, lamenting the Linzes have not arrived yet. Uh, oh, they overshot and now they have to back and turn, a problem they had last week with the trailer.

Linzes, meanwhile, are coming up fast. Rattlesnake sound as the commercial comes on. Ooooh, tension!

However, they’re helped out by a passing Search and Rescue guy and pass the Bransens as they’re leaving.

Weavers complete, DAMMIT. But now they have to drive up to Yellowstone.

Gabbleskis arrive as Weavers are leaving. Yeehaw! Runaway horse!

Linzes and Weavers have a nasty moment on the narrow road leading out. The Linzes are directed by Linda to read their clue, that they are supposed to yield to outgoing traffic. But, they also note that the Florida team is rude. And they find out as they jog in to the horse area that they’re last.

There is some comedy and mugging as they ride their horseys.

Bransens arrive at Old Faithful clue – they are to wait for the next eruption before they get their clue.

Weavers arrive at the park, and the Bransens are not happy to see them.

And now the Gabbleskis arrive, and the Linzes, and they’re all waiting for the next eruption. The Linzes caught up really well! BUT the two trailing teams JUST missed the eruption.

The clue is “Drive south on US 287 and find the ranch at 15,200…to find Phil” to an address or mile marker.

The damn Weavers really get my goat.

Gabbleskis and Linzes quietly discuss how they’ll trip one another if they have to to avoid elimination.

A Linz notes that it doesn’t say “pit stop” on the clue and wonders if something is going on. I bet it’s a surprise re-direct, like back in Lucknow.

Bransens discuss strategery as they spot the house numbers 15200 on a ranch gateway and make the turn. Weavers find it and thank Jeebus.

Phil is casually sitting on a rail. He looks yummilicious. I know what’s happening next…

Bransens and Weavers arrive first and second, and the LEG IS NOT OVER. Yep, not a non-elim, but a double-leg fakeout.

Next clue: To Be Continued.

Okay, so I got faked out, it wasn’t a non-elimination, and the trailing Linzes are still okay.

Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT the damn Weavers are going to be there next week. At least they add the essential element of conflict, because there would be none between the last 3 teams, just a little intramural squabbling.

Next week: Teams construct a teepee. Christine has the weight of the world and one of her sisters on her shoulders. Also, there’s a sound of a police siren, and the Weavers get pulled over!!! YAY!!!! THANK YOU JEEBUS!!

It can be seen that as soon as they are pulled over, all four of them quickly snap themselves into the seatbelts that they have never, ever worn on camera since day 1, leg 1. Oh, let them be short of cash to pay the ticket.