Monthly Archives: October 2005

The Dead Parrot Lives Again (Inevitably)

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Britain is all a-twitter with news of the parrot that died of the avian flu – there are a lot of unanswered questions, such as “was it infected before it entered the British quarantine facility, or did it pick up the virus there?”

I was considering doing the obvious “dead parrot sketch” comparison, but the staff writer for MedPage Today, an otherwise serious health-news site, has done it for me. Thanks, Michael Smith!

Just as a correction, though, the “shifty pet shop owner” is played by John Cleese, and the timid but plucky erstwhile parrot purchaser is played by Michael Palin. It is the latter that delivers the classic rejoinder.

Dead Parrot at Center of British Avian Flu Mystery – CME Teaching Brief – MedPage Today

Inevitably the dead parrot in London dredged up memories the extinct Norwegian Blue famously purchased by actor John Cleese in a classic Monty Python television skit a generation ago.

In the television sketch, actor Cleese (actually, Michael Palin), having found that his newly purchased parrot is dead, tries to return it to the shifty pet shop owner (played by John Cleese), who insists the bird is simply “pinin’ for the fjords.”

Cleese (again, Michael Palin) replies: ” ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more!…’E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!”

Bookses Good and Middling

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The Sunday Philosophy Club : An Isabel Dalhousie Mystery
By: Alexander McCall Smith

Finished this one a few days ago. I had really loved the “Ladies No. 1 Detective Agency” novels by the same author, and I hope to encounter a new favorite series with this one. That wasn’t the case, but I did enjoy meeting Isabel Dalhousie and seeing a bit of her world. She’s a very deep person who spends a lot of time thinking about things philosophical, romantic, and mysterious. Ultimately it’s an unsatisfactory read, because philosophy gets in the way of logic. In the real world, a bizarre “accidental” death like the one in the opening chapter would be investigated, and there would be some resolution. In Dalhousie’s world, after a perfunctory mention of the police and the “procurator fiscal” (the Scottish official responsible for investigating deaths), there’s no mention of any official notice taken. So when Dalhousie discovers the truth, she decides for herself that the authorities need not be advised of it. She justifies it to herself, but a typical hard-headed Scottish detective inspector would n’t have let his or her own feelings in the matter color their report; they would have handed the case on to be dealt with and for justice to be handed down.

Still, it was an enjoyable read. I’ll read the next one when I see it.

Little People
By: Tom Holt

This turned out to be a disappointment. It started out to be a bit flaky and different and amusing, and then it continued on being flaky and different and amusing in a much too self-aware way for far too long. The premise was funny and interesting: a young boy sees a tiny little elf in his back garden, and has a couple more encounters in his life while he’s working out that his stepfather’s shoemaking factory isn’t run according to conventional modern labor practices. Then things go seriously awry.

There are some missed opportunities; there’s a conversation the main character has with an escaped “elf” that begged a followup nearer the end of the book. And some of the plot points that Holt makes a “given” in the world he’s created come and go at his whim – when it’s no longer convenient, things no longer happen in the way they did earlier in the book.

Finally, the tone goes on being a little too wryly arch long after the story has become pretty much a hopeless downer. If I wanted to read a pastiche of Douglas Adams-like snickering asides during a narration, I’d go and dig my copy of “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” out of whichever box it’s in. Adams was much better at it, and he used a narrative voice, where Holt uses first-person narration. Somehow, having your long-suffering main character bothering to add all the witty asides and snarky commentary while also getting on with telling his story just isn’t that funny after a while.

I’ve started another new book in the meantime. More on that later.

Shark In Sight, Ramp May Still Be Avoided

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You may disagree, but the current storyline at PVP sure looks like a classic shark-jumper.

In a nutshell, Brent is dreaming about a possible future, because Jade thinks she might be pregnant.

I’m hoping it’ll turn out to be a false alarm, with some plotty goodness that makes it all just a scary side-issue. But it may well be the next direction for this strip, because quite often strips follow a kind of life of their own that may more or less mirror their creators’ lives.

Which means that the classic dictum “write what you know” works just as well for drawing comic strips as it does for writing The Great American Novel or the next hot blog or whatever.

Can’t promise I’ll be interested in going along with the story if it goes in that direction; depends on whether the strip continues to be well-written and drawn (PVP has a really strong graphic sensibility). But all I know is that some favorite TV shows went downhill when somebodeehaddabaybee. Not just because baybees are teh evil (the majority disagrees with me on this one, so I won’t bother arguing the point) but because baybees are teh too easy as a plot point, or as a a conversation starter (or killer).

In a week or so, the plotline on PVP will indicate whether the current “dream sequence” is just that, or a harbinger of things to come.

The Disillusionment of Alton Brown

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If you were thinking about sending a picture of your open refrigerator to Alton Brown, don’t bother:

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Some of you may have noticed that the “contact” button is gone from my web site and that my rant calling for refrigerator pics is gone. Here’s why: although many of you sent in some really nice pics and insightful, fun emails some of you decided to send vulgar, nasty, frightening messages and images. I always knew there was ugliness and meanness out there but you know what, I don’t have to give you a place to put it. So, the portal is closed and will remain so. If you harvested the address, don’t bother using it because it will simply dump your mail into oblivion.

I’m disappointed, upset, disillusioned, and upgrading my security system. To those who wanted to play nice, I sure am sorry but life’s just too short to drink poison.

posted by Alton
3:45 PM

Last week on his “rant” page, he posted a picture of his “chill chest” and requested submissions. Apparently what he got in reply was… not what he expected. Which is really a shame, because I thought it was a great idea.

And dammit, I never got around to uploading a picture of our (mostly empty) fridge.

Worthy Choise

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FEMA Official Says Boss Ignored Warnings – Yahoo! News

A FEMA employee tried frantically to get his superiors, including Michael Brown, to respond to his emails warning the agency of the first levee break in New Orleans and the desperate need for supplies for the Superdome.

Meanwhile, a few hours after he again warned Brown that “many will die” after people began gathering in the streets by the thousands with no food or water, Brown’s press secretary was attempting a form of communication – written English – that was a little beyond her capabilities.

Later, on Aug. 31, Bahamonde frantically e-mailed Brown to tell him that thousands are evacuees were gathering in the streets with no food or water and that “estimates are many will die within hours.”

“Sir, I know that you know the situation is past critical,” Bahamonde wrote.

Less than three hours later, however, Brown’s press secretary wrote colleagues to complain that the FEMA director needed more time to eat dinner at a Baton Rouge restaurant that evening. “He needs much more that (sic) 20 or 30 minutes,” wrote Brown aide Sharon Worthy.

“We now have traffic to encounter to go to and from a location of his choise (sic), followed by wait service from the restaurant staff, eating, etc. Thank you.”

The impression given is that Brown just didn’t give a damn about people in New Orleans who hadn’t gotten themselves out. Either that, or he was too busy giving press conferences and complaining about local officials to bother checking his email.

Note to FEMA: send Sharon Worthy to remedial written English skool, etc. Thank you.

Fired For Not Being The Right Religion

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Religious bias cost job, says teacher

In Sevier County, everyone noticed she was a coffee drinker. Co-workers looking for the sacred garments worn by church members never saw her wearing them.
Erin Jensen says those clues revealed she was not a practicing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and led to even more talk about her beliefs.
“There were rumors around the community that I was a witch,” the former South Sevier High School teacher testified Wednesday.
The end of the hallway where she and another non-LDS teacher had classrooms was referred to by students as “Hell’s Corner.” Jensen testified she has no religion and has not been active in the LDS Church for more than 20 years.

Of course I had to keep an eye on this story. A lot of the elements sound very, very familiar, so although many things have changed in Salt Lake from what I went through in my teenage years there, much of the rest of the state is still in a weird time-warp all its own.

The detail that was most telling to me was “Hell’s Corner,” because when I was in high school nearly thirty years ago, I used to hang out with 2 non-religious teachers in our school’s version of “Hell’s Corner.” It had a knickname like that amongst the students, but basically it was a tiny hole-in-the-wall teacher’s lounge that contained that instrument of the Devil, a coffee pot. I had an hour of “released time,” which if I’d been a member of the dominant faith would have been spent in the off-campus classroom of the “Church” seminary building across the street. Can’t mix school and religion, you know, so “Church” classes had to be held off school property. That they had to be held at all, and that all students were assumed to need an hour of “released time” for these classes, was and is a source of continuing controversy in Utah.

Prelude to a Disaster

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The current season of TAR continues to eerily predict impending disasters, like Katrina or the cancellation of a once-great show.

This week, teams wandered around the Southeast avoiding Hurricane Dennis while finding random bits of giant furniture and spending the night in a trailer park. Wow, love the cultural immersion they’re undergoing! Not.

There was one awesome shot of a curtain of rain and stormcloud behind the Paolos, who at least stopped for a second to look at it. Before the episode, there was a disclaimer about how the episode was filmed before Katrina and Rita laid waste to the area, so the images from the Pit Stop sequence are especially poignant. Ah, New Orleans!

Miss Alli’s mini-recap is up, and really, she could hardly improve on it by writing a full-length one.

Let’s see. Give me a minute. Elvis-O-Rama, the Tupperware Museum, the Boll Weevil Monument, Cranberry World, The Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock, the Mecca Of Albino Squirrels…ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums, the place where you can drive through the middle of a tree…alligator farms, tarantula ranches…nope. Never heard of the World’s Biggest Office Chair. But that’s where the teams start off this week, before heading to Talladega for a moment that the Weavers can only call, as we would around here, “Un! Comfortable!” But because the racetrack “task” only involves bikes (whuh?), it’s not as bad as it could have been. Then it’s on to a mobile home park, and then an unsatisfying Detour, and then New Orleans, and again with the awkwardness as the hometown Schroeders are eliminated. It’s good that they’re gone, particularly because both boneheaded Papa and boo-hooing Stassi are quite ready to go, but that’s several more layers of sad than I really look for on a Tuesday night. In other news, a Linz brother is legitimately funny for the very first time, we meet a Tonya Gone Wild, the Gaghans pull their fannies out of the fire again, and Phil wears another ugly shirt. Things are going downhill fast here, y’all.

I did feel bad for the Schroeders, who are from New Orleans and suffered the ignominy of being eliminated on home turf. They spent hours wandering around looking for a state park that turned out to be about 5 minutes from where the dad lived or worked for a while. At least he took responsibility for the boneheadedness of it all, and his weepy, semi-hysterical daughter Stassi really was right: they should have listened to her when she told them not to take the first departure-time tag they found, but keep looking for the earlier one that another family found (teh Evil Weavers, that is).

I don’t know why Stepma Schroeder called the Weavers “evillll” but that seems to be the consensus of most of the other teams. They’re not well liked, probably because they’re standoffish and unfriendly.

Except, of course, to random weird-looking strangers who have also found Jebus. Man, what a great way to live your faith.

Not.

Next week, we apparently FINALLY LEAVE THE USA.

Gaghan watch: the little girl, Carissa, did the only moderately wacky thing all episode – she made up a little song called “My magic pen” that she sang incessantly while helping her dad look for his Bic Biro, which is normally clamped tightly between his teeth.

Finally, an analysis of the route, clues, and tasks reveals that there was very, very little change in the rankings during the episode, except when families were looking for the departure time tags at the overnight at the trailer park (and BOO! to mid-episode overnights! I hate how this show has become “The Amazing Sleepover”).

Once again, the Paolos are the most dysfunctional family, but the most functional opportunists – they fight and squabble constantly, but the sons (who seem to be doing most of the head-work, frankly) generally spot the crucial detail or grab the right number or whatever.

Although, once again there was some sort of weird fight over who had the clue. Mama should never, never, never be allowed to touch the clue!

Progressive Parish In A Conservative Diocese

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This isn’t going to be of much interest unless you’re a progressive/liberal/God is doing a new thing Episcopalian.

The Diocese of Pittsburgh, which is headed by a very conservative, “network” bishop, has settled a court case with a more liberal parish of that diocese. At issue: property, and who owns it if an entire diocese elects to remove itself from the larger, more liberal Episcopal church, but a liberal church within that diocese says “no, we’re staying and we’re keeping our church and its endowment.”

The settlement is favorable to the liberal parish. As I’m a member of Holy Moly’s Bishop’s Committee (the mission version of a parish vestry) I found this document interesting, not for the legal precedent set but for the clear and even-tempered tone and the solidity of the vestry’s resolve.

It seems they were not of one mind regarding gay clergy, but they were single-minded in recognizing that their diocese was positioning itself to split from the national church AND take all the property with it.

And this, they wouldn’t stand for, so they filed suit and put the money they normally would pay to the diocese in escrow. In the settlement, they gave about 1/3 to the diocese, and get to keep the rest.

Again, only interesting if you’re into churchy politics and so on. But we at Holy Moly are lucky in that we’re a liberal parish in a liberal diocese, and we had a very nice visit from our Bishop Perselle and his lovely wife Nancy a couple of weeks ago. Some of the issues we discussed over lunch then were relevant to this story.

So: interesting probably only to me. But there it is. Both sides are trumpeting victory, but I suspect the real winner is the progressive point of view. However, the settlement also calls for the two sides to agree to mediation, and sets out a process for a parish to disaffiliate in an orderly manner from a diocese. This may be used as a precedent for those cases where a conservative parish tries to leave a more liberal diocese and take its property with it. If so, the model is one of decorum and proper procedure, rather than rancor and name-calling.

Calvary Files Complaint in the Court of Common Pleas RESOLUTION!

Property Held by the Diocese. The settlement clearly states that even if “a majority of the parishes in the Diocese might decide not to remain in the Episcopal Church of the United States of America,” that property “held or administered by the Episcopal Diocese of Pittsburgh of the Episcopal Church of the United States of America” for the beneficial use of the parishes and institutions of the Diocese, shall continue to be so held. Otherwise put, this means that in the event that some congregations leave ECUSA, the remaining congregations (however few in number) would be the ones entitled to use of both real property, e.g. Calvary Camp, and personal Diocesan property, e.g. endowment funds.

Property Held by Parishes. Importantly, the settlement establishes that any parish electing to disaffiliate with the Diocese must follow a process which provides for openness and rights of both participation and objection by all interested parties. A key provision is the requirement that notification of desired disaffiliation be sent to all members of the parish in question, the Bishop, the Board of Trustees of the Diocese, and the Rector and Vestry of every other parish in the Diocese. The settlement also provides for initial mediation of property disputes regarding such disaffiliation. Importantly, the settlement also provides in paragraph 2(c) that any interested person or entity is free to lodge an objection through the courts for a judicial determination as to any Property rights and obligations in connection with the disaffiliation. Thus, should a dispute arise in the future, the Property interests relating to individual parishes can be adjudicated, if necessary, after full disclosure to all.

WILMAAAAA!

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New Storm Measures as Most Intense Ever for Atlantic Basin – New York Times

Hurricane Wilma, which appeared headed toward Cancun, Mexico, and possibly the Gulf Coast of Florida by this weekend, intensified into the most powerful storm ever recorded in the Atlantic Ocean basin early this morning, with winds of 175 miles per hour.

Oh, goodie. The “named” storm after this one will be Alpha, because we’ve run out of names for this cycle. They could have named it Xena if they really wanted to.

I just hope we don’t get all the way to Omega, or the tinfoil theocrats will be insufferably smug about the coming Apocalypse.