Last week we were horrified to discover that the church’s pipe organ had been vandalized – specifically, the ‘wind chest’ where all the small tin pipes reside.
This week, we discovered the perpetrator! Yes, the photo tells it all. No, it’s not the contractor whose name appears on the fragment of yellow yardstick. The case is closed, because the perp turns out to be a nefariously furry squirrel.
How do we know this? Because earlier this week, someone that went in to pick up a few things, and while in they:
- Found this mess of crap and twigs in the same spot on top of the wind chest
- Saw the squirrel leap up off the wind chest and whisk out the open window above it.
- Not only that, but it’s still lurking about.
We had had a good laugh this morning during practice because All Was Revealed, including actual bite marks on a couple more pipes. The nest material had been kept aside in a box for the organist to see, and we had to find a couple more damaged pipes and pull them. There were still a couple more bum notes in there, but we got through the service with only a couple of puzzled looks from the congregation. Hoffman Estates PD has been advised that the case has been solved. The windows closest to the wind chest were closed, and that, we thought was that.
It’s a brutally hot day today – it’s 100 degrees, with enough humidity to increase the heat index number to 105. So all of the other windows were opened all around the church (it’s basically a big open square room, with upper windows all around and just an office and other working space in the one corner. The sanctuary has three corners. With all the fans going and the windows open, it was still an oven, so Fr. Ted had put out bottles of water, and Scott showed up with a bag of ice “for the cold drinks ministry.” So that worked out in a happy enough way. Ted also eschewed (great word) vestments and conducted the entire mass in shorts, black short-sleeved shirt and clerical collar, and sandals. He added a preaching stole, which was the only concession to liturgical formalwear in the service.
We got through it, with the oddities in the organ accompaniment and all, and then during the last hymn I looked up and saw… the squirrel. It was casually scampering along the top of the bricks, and it appeared to be, yes, inside the sanctuary and not outside the windows. It disappeared behind a drapery behind a side altar. “Oh, good,” I thought, “The Great Squirrel Hunt begins immediately after mass. Go forth in peace, and get that bushy-tailed rascal out of the organ works before we lock up.”
A couple of us investigated. No squirrel to be found, just some candelabra and oddments of flower pots that are used every year to construct a temporary Easter Vigil shrine. We went all around, looking for the ecclesiastical rodent. The treasurer realized that she should file an insurance claim, since we’d discovered the cause of the damage. We think the furry perp made a break for it and took off out the far end. The windows were all closed, and the builder of our organ arrives Tuesday to fix things up (poor man, it’ll be so hot in there again). We have no idea why a squirrel would think a big open wooden box full of spiky metal whistley things was a good place to have babies. Maybe she wanted to ensure they were exposed to music in their formative weeks? She’d have got more than she bargained for if she’d managed to pup or whelp or whatever it squirrels do to produce young before the next service… one run of high notes at full volume and we’d have musical flying squirrels, in synchronized syncopation depending on the piece played. Could we sell tickets to that? It could be a draw – every week, the musical squirrel Family Von Crapp performs! We could make tiny wee lederhosen, with cutouts in the back for tails. Or, okay, maybe I watched too many cartoons as a child and I’m a deeply warped individual. Fine.
It suddenly occured to me – even with all our money woes and worries, we’re not poor as church mice.
We can afford organ squirrels. 8)
Something squirrelly this way comes…
Originally uploaded by GinnyRED57.