Talking on the phone just now with some guy who was booking a trip to Las Vegas. He was on the hunt for a cheap sleep, so we checked different choices. I noted that the account’s “preferred” hotels in Vegas were a mixed bag, including a chain whose nam is frequently translated from Spanish to English as “next to Denny’s.” We discussed the availability and rate at this property, and he mumbled along while I waited for the computer to catch up with real-time rates: “I’ve heard that hotel is a little…”
I jumped in to cut him off. “This hotel might be a little ‘dumpy.’ As in ‘I’d like a video and a hooker to go, please’ dumpy.”
Big laugh. ‘I’m killing, here,’ I’m thinking. I went on to clarify (for the online phone cops) that it was located on a back street in Vegas, which most people prefer to avoid (we get complaints now and then about “inexpensive” motels in Vegas when some guy has tried to cheap out a little TOO much and gets confronted by some girl’s fancy man in the parking lot). He agreed and we went on with the rest of the booking conversation. He was still laughing about “hookers to go.”
“Thank you, I’m here all week,” I muttered. I had a brief mental vision of me as a female Wayne Newton, pattering along in some has-been hotel showroom on the Strip with bad jokes and a few chestnutty old tunes. AND I’d have better hair and hit deeper notes than he’d ever hope to meet. Yeah.
The guy laughed even harder at my “ba-dum-bum.” remark. “I’d love to meet you.” Heh, right. In your dreams. I’m not half so funny in person as I am on the phone (or online). Alas and so forth.
The truth is, the truth is funny. I AM here all week, and a very long week it’s going to be.
Keep the customer happy! It sounds like you had a great trip.
Aw, it was a swell time. I waved as we flew over California, did you wave back?
There were challenging moments, of course. We debated the relative merits of Aloha Maid tropical beverage (“5% real juice!”) versus JuicyJuice (“100% real juice, but not necessarily the juice implied by the color of the box. With Arthur and friends!”) endlessly.
As in:
Cans/Boxes
Corn syrup/fructose
local/national
tropical/temperate
palm trees/cartoon characters
cool/uncool (no matter the temperature)
As you might have guessed, I was arguing the merits of Aloha Maid products. My esteemed friend Steve stood on behalf of JuicyJuice. We bought a case of each at Costco (or the equivalent amount) and I stocked up again later at a grocery.
In the end, I drank the last can of Aloha Maid as we drove out of the Wailea Marriott. Steve left more than a dozen JuicyJuices (including an unopened 8-pack) at the airport.
I rest my case.
(snark snark – well, David and I were both drinking the Alohas, so maybe I’ll lose on appeal? In reality, we were really only arguing over the “juice” and “corn syrup” factors, but I was prepared to go the distance)