Churchgoers’ Checklist

The instruction sheet circulated by the Bush-Cheney campaign to religious volunteers lists 22 “duties” to be performed by specific dates. By July 31, for example, volunteers are to “send your Church Directory to your State Bush-Cheney ’04 Headquarters or give [it] to a BC04 Field Rep” and “Talk to your Pastor about holding a Citizenship Sunday and Voter Registration Drive.”

If anybody from Holy Moly sends our directory to the Repugnicans, there will be Hell. To. Pay.

Our incoming vicar won’t be here until the first week in August, anyway, so we’re already behind. However, a Voter’s Registration drive may be in order. Note – need to remind the vicar to register 30 days after his arrival. There will still be time for him to take care of this before election day if he and his partner (oho!) want to take care of driver’s licenses at the same time according to Illinois voter registration guidelines.

By Aug. 15, they are to “talk to your Church’s seniors or 20-30 something group about Bush/Cheney ’04” and “recruit 5 more people in your church to volunteer for the Bush Cheney campaign.”

Well, let’s see. On a typical Sunday, we have about 40 bottoms in the chairs that pass for pews at Holy Moly. Of that number, many are seniors. Of THAT number, an unknown number are Repugnicans. Nobody discusses politics at church much. And I don’t know how the one family with a son in Iraq feels about the election, but can guess. Still, somehow I think the “5 person” recruitment goal is going to be a bust. Might get that and more for Kerry, though. Oh, and 20-30 somethings? Get real. They only show up when their parents make them, except for one college kid that actually likes church. But he’s in school, so not always there, and I don’t know if he’s a voter or not.

By Sept. 17, they are to host at least two campaign-related potluck dinners with church members, and in October they are to “finish calling all Pro-Bush members of your church,” “finish distributing Voter Guides in your church” and place notices on church bulletin boards or in Sunday programs “about all Christian citizens needing to vote.”

Several more Hell. To. Pay. requirements there. Potluck – out, for several reasons, but the main one being that the nice lady that does all the grunt work on potlucks is British and I’m not sure if she’s a US citizen or not. And I have this feeling that she’s not a Bushie. Also, feel pretty certain that a howl of protest would go up if anything Bushie went up on either of the bulletin boards, which are reserved for concert notices, news of other parishes, and non-profits’ newsletters. I don’t think a parish that managages to help support the local food pantry AND the local women’s shelter thrift shop out of its very limited funds is likely to stand for any Bushie propaganda.

To be pro-Bush is to be anti-fairness, anti-freedom, anti-equality, anti-liberty, anti-democracy, anti-tolerance, anti-intellectual and generally antediluvian in outlook.

So I think they’re going to have to take this checklist and stuff it… just like they stuffed the ballot boxes in 2000.

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