Why is it that some cigar smokers walk around with an unlit stogey in their mouths? Why do they do it in elevators and non-smoking buildings?

It’s pretension, I tell ya.

I rode up in the elevator just now with a guy who bore a slight resemblance to Jeffrey Tambor. He fiddled with and mouthed his tube of tobacco leaves in a disturbingly Freudian display. Why?

He deigned to speak to me as we rode by mentioning that he’d pressed an extra floor button in error. Thanks. Whatever. He got off at his floor and immediately stuck the stogey back in his mouth. Hello? Non-smoking building?

Get off my elevator and mouth that thing someplace where you can actually light it up, businessdude. Otherwise, stick it in a monogrammed silver case or something, it’s disgusting the way you carry it around like a brown pacifier.

Yeah, I’m cranky. It’s Monday. I’ll get over it eventually.